


Wherever You Are Is the Place I Belong

by arrum_rose



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Amusement Parks, Animal Shelter, Aquariums, Beaches, Ben Eats Pussy, Birthday, Birthday Fluff, Birthday Smut, Cat BB-8, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Horseback Riding, Light Angst, Maz is Dead, Minor Character Death, Mutual Pining, Rey Needs A Hug, Rollerblades & Rollerskates, Sharing a Bed, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, han is dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:54:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25174210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arrum_rose/pseuds/arrum_rose
Summary: Rey has never celebrated her birthday before. Years of foster care and abandonment issues have caused her to resent her birthday. When her best friend Ben discovers this, he decides to plan her the best birthday ever and asks her to choose five things that she's always wanted to do. Little does she know, Ben loves her as much as she does and has been trying to find a way to tell her, and this just might be his opportunity.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 48
Kudos: 191





	1. Without You I'll Never Make It Out Alive

**Author's Note:**

  * For [areyofsunshine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/areyofsunshine/gifts).



> This is a very special gift for my friend Lynn! Her birthday is coming up, and I wanted to give her something special. She is the best beta-reader a girl can ask for, and she's one of the kindest people I have ever met. 
> 
> Happy (almost) birthday, Lynn (AO3: areyofsunshine). I love you so much girl!!! I hope this is everything you wanted.
> 
> Thank you to my beta-readers Bella (AO3: anotherlilfangirl) and Miranda (AO3: Starlight_Sun)! You guys are awesome and I love you both immensely. #genzreylosforever 
> 
> Also, extra special thank you to Miranda for making this moodboard! It's so perfect. 

There are three things in Rey Johnson’s life that have always held true. One: she hates thunderstorms. She isn’t sure where this fear came from, or what triggered her anxiety around storms, but as far back as she can remember, she has always hated them. Her therapist thinks it’s somehow connected to her parents and the trauma of them leaving, but Rey doesn’t buy into that. 

Two: she has trust issues. Her therapist says it’s because she was abandoned by her parents, but that’s a touchy subject and Rey tries to avoid talking about it. She has a few people she trusts, but she prefers keeping her circle small. There’s Finn, her foster brother, Rose, her friend from work, and Ben, her best friend since middle school. 

Ben is the one person that she can always rely on to be there for her when she needs him. She loves Finn and Rose, but Ben is just...different. 

Ben has been there for her through the good, the bad and the heartbreaking. He was there when she first moved in nextdoor to his family. She was 12, he was 13, and while he was a little grumpy with her at first, they became quick friends after they discovered that they had a mutual love for RPGs and Galaxy Wars. 

He was there when she was 15 and she broke her arm while trying to learn how to skateboard. He carried her all the way home that day, and Maz lectured her for an hour about safety for it, but Ben was there through it all.

He was there when she was 16 and got dumped by her first boyfriend, and even though she wasn’t really that sad about it, he still brought ice cream and pizza and snuggled with her on the couch all night while they watched silly rom-coms to cheer her up. 

He was there when she found out she had gotten a full-ride to her top University, and he threw her the lamest surprise party ever, but Rey didn’t care about the rinky-dink decorations or the lopsided cake that he had baked. She cried over it anyways because he spent his whole day just to help celebrate her and her accomplishments. 

He was even there after Maz died when Rey was 19. After the funeral, she stayed the night at his house and he held her as she sobbed and sobbed until there were no tears left. That night she fell asleep in his arms, and ever since then, they would occasionally share a bed. It didn’t mean anything, and all they would do is sleep. Rey rationalized that it helped them both fall asleep. They both had their demons, and whenever they shared a night, the nightmares just disappeared. 

Rey was there for Ben, too. She was there for him every time his parents fought while he was younger. He would run to her house, sometimes in tears, sometimes fuming in anger, and oftentimes both. She would let him rant to her for hours, and then they would sit on her couch and watch TV while eating whatever junk food they could find in the pantry. 

She was there when Ben got accepted into his top choice for college, which was luckily the same one she ended up going to a year later. They celebrated by breaking into his parent’s liquor cabinet and getting drunk off of whiskey and coconut flavored Malibu rum. He ended up being there for her that night too, as she drank a little too much and needed someone to hold her hair back once she started feeling sick. 

She was there when Han died. Ben was going into his senior year of college, and Han’s heart just gave out on him. Rey let Ben into her bed that night, and he crushed her to his chest, never letting up for a second. 

She was there when they were both out of college, finding careers, and Ben had begun to reconcile with the abuse he had gone through as an undergrad lab assistant. Archibald Snoke was a disgusting man, and Rey sometimes wondered if he could even be called a man, but once Ben came forward, multiple other people did as well.Snoke was stripped of his tenure and fired. He was still dealing with the after effects of the trauma he had gone through, but Rey was there for him through all of it. 

If Rey is honest with herself - which she isn’t - she would admit that their friendship has developed beyond a platonic one, at least for her. She isn’t sure when or how she started falling for him, but somewhere between their first meeting and now, she fell head over heels for Ben Solo. 

There are only a couple of problems with her feelings for him. One: she doesn’t tend to date on the basis of not wanting to grow too attached to people only for them to leave. Two: she’s pretty positive that Ben doesn’t feel the same way. 

They’ve each had their fair share of romantic partners. Ben’s longest relationship was with a guy named Tai. They lasted about a year before Tai decided that Ben invested too much time into Rey and not enough time into him. Rey’s longest relationship was with her highschool boyfriend, Snap. They dated for around four months, and while Snap never really gave a reason as to why he wanted to break up, Rey guessed that he had just grown tired of her. 

She wonders if Ben will ever grow tired of her. She’s 24 now. They’ve been friends for over a decade, and yet he still hasn’t abandoned her for a romantic partner. The day he does leave will be the day that Rey’s heart shatters into a million pieces, and she’s still not sure that she’ll survive that. 

She takes what she can get from him for now, even if it’s killing her slowly. 

The third truth of Rey’s life is that she’s never celebrated her birthday. It wasn’t that the opportunity never came for her to celebrate, it’s just that she’s never had the desire to. Her parents abandoned her on the steps of a church in London with a note fastened to her blanket that had her name and a date, July 21st. The nuns had guessed that the date was her birthday, but there was no way to tell for sure without a birth certificate. 

Rey bounced around the foster care system of London for a while after that, but when she was 8 she found herself in the clutches of Unkar Plutt. He was a nasty, smelly man who used her for monthly payments, but he never actually took care of her. None of her foster parents really bothered to celebrate anything with her, and through the years she began to resent her birthday. It was just a reminder that she didn’t have anyone who cared about her.

Maz took her in after Plutt got arrested for tax evasion, and that was the first time Rey had been outside of London. She flew on a plane for the first time as well that day, and to this day she was incredibly grateful to Maz for adopting her, a scraggly little orphan girl, and giving her the love that she had never known she needed before. 

Despite Maz being an angel, Rey still didn’t have any desire to celebrate her birthday. She had been disappointed far too many times. 

Throughout highschool and college, Rey continued to avoid her birthday. Whenever Ben would ask if she was celebrating, she would tell him that she and Maz were doing something special, just the two of them. Once Maz died, Rey started finding other excuses. Studying, fake plans with fake friends, and one year she even resorted to pretending to have the flu. 

She felt particularly guilty about the last one, because Ben showed up to her apartment with soup and a bag full of necessities to take care of a sick person. He spent the whole weekend with her, taking care of her and promising they would celebrate her birthday once she got better. She found ways to avoid that too. 

Her birthday this year will be the same as always. She’ll avoid Ben by telling him that she has other plans, and he won’t question it because that’s just who he is. 

She  _ really  _ wonders why he hasn’t left her yet. 

It’s two weeks before her birthday, and Ben is over at her apartment, just like he is on most nights. They’re sitting on her couch, eating pizza and watching “The Princess Bride” for the billionth time. They both have a lot of the lines memorized at this point, and sometimes they play a game where they’ll pause it and the first person to finish a line wins. It’s silly, but those are some of Rey’s favorite memories with Ben. Things are usually fairly easy and simple with him, and he doesn’t push her to change her habits. 

As the movie ends, Ben turns to her, his elbow on the back of her couch and his chin resting in the palm of his hand. “So, your birthday is in a couple weeks. What do you want to do?” 

She feels a rock in the pit of her stomach. Rey really hates lying to him, but she hates her birthday more. “Actually, I’m getting drinks with Rose and a couple of other girls from the office. I would invite you, but Rose planned it so I don’t think I can.” 

He hums in thought. “Really? That’s odd, because I talked to Rose today in the breakroom and she said that you told her you had plans with Finn for your birthday.” 

Shit. Shit, shit,  _ shit.  _ “Oh, yeah. Um, right, I forgot we cancelled drinks. I’m actually going with Finn to a new nightclub downtown.” 

The look he gives her tells her all she needs to know. He doesn’t believe her, and now she’s caught and has to spill everything.  _ Years  _ of lying to him over something so  _ stupid.  _ She might cry out of embarrassment. 

“Rey...sweetheart. Why have we never celebrated your birthday together?” His brow furrows, and he reaches a hand forward to take hers, but retracts soon after, as if he’s second guessing himself. “Did I do something wrong? Are you embarrassed to celebrate your birthday with me for some reason?” 

This actually shocks her. She isn’t really sure what made him think that her problems are  _ his  _ fault, but she knows she has to rectify this and assure him that he isn’t to blame in the slightest. “No! Ben, no. Of course not. I promise this isn’t about you at all.” 

He frowns slightly. “Then what is it? Why don’t you want to celebrate your birthday with me?” 

She sighs. She’s going to have to tell him now. “It’s not that I  _ don’t _ want to celebrate with you, it’s just...I don’t want to celebrate it at all.”

“What do you mean? You’ve celebrated your birthday before, why is this one different?” 

_ God,  _ this is embarrassing. “Actually...I haven’t. Celebrated, that is. Ever. I don’t celebrate my birthday.” 

He looks genuinely confused. “But, what about all of those birthday dinners and movie trips with Maz? And the nights out in college?”

“I lied. I didn’t want you to feel bad about not celebrating my birthday, so I lied.” 

Ben huffs and his brow furrows further in thought. “So, that time you were sick? Last year? Was that a lie too?”

Fuck. He’s going to hate her now. “Yeah…” she replies sheepishly. 

He doesn’t reply for a minute, and Rey is scared that he’s going to leave. She’s terrified that he’s going to be mad at her and finally realize what a waste of space she is and just leave. 

Instead, he surprises her and takes her hand. “Rey, why didn’t you just tell me you didn’t want to do anything for your birthday? I would’ve understood.” 

She can feel tears welling up in her eyes. She hasn’t cried about her birthday in  _ years,  _ and yet somehow this man manages to bring up all sorts of feelings in her. “I didn’t want you to think I was weird. I just- I don’t like my birthday, Ben. I’m not even sure if it’s really my birthday or if my drunk parents wrote a random date on the card they left with me. My birthday is just a reminder that I’m unwanted, and I’ve never wanted to celebrate it.” 

He rubs the back of her hand soothingly and brings his other hand up to wipe away the tear that is now running down her cheek. “Sweetheart, you’ve never celebrated your birthday?” 

She shakes her head, and the look of understanding on his face makes her cry harder. All she ever gets from other people is pity, but with Ben it’s always been different. He’s always made her feel so  _ seen,  _ like they share a pain that connects them on a deeper level. 

He pulls her into a hug and rubs her back to calm her down. His large, warm hand on her spine is one of the best comforts she’s ever known. 

Eventually the tears dry up, and the two of them clean up. Ben leaves without another word on the subject of her birthday, and Rey hopes that he’s not too mad at her for lying to him. She hopes they can just drop this. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The next morning, Rey walks into the office break room and finds Ben making a cup of coffee.

She sneaks over to him and taps on his shoulder, but he expects this from her by now, so he doesn’t jump much. He simply turns to greet her, the hint of a smile playing at the corners of his lips. 

“Hey, Rey.” How is it possible that this man can make her heart flutter with two mere words? 

She smiles at him and grabs the creamer that he likes from the fridge. “Hey Ben! Do you want to go get drinks tonight?” 

He grimaces slightly as he reaches for the creamer. “I can’t tonight, I have to go and help Leia install her new dryer. Raincheck?” 

Her mood falls slightly, but she tries not to overthink it. “Yeah, of course. Tell Leia I miss her.” 

He finishes making his coffee and grins at her, but it doesn’t quite meet his eyes. “I will. See you later, Rey.” 

Ben leaves the break room after that, and Rey is left confused and a little disappointed. They usually talk until Amilyn has to come in and tell them to get to work, but today he just left. She searches her mind desperately for logical reasons for his odd behavior. Maybe he’s tired or not feeling well? Maybe it’s just been a rough morning? 

No matter how many reasons she comes up with, Rey can’t shake the feeling that something is  _ wrong.  _ She feels like this is her fault, like he’s mad at her. 

Oh no, what if he really is mad about her lying to him about her birthday all these years? Last night she thought that they had resolved things, but what if he’s still angry? 

What if she’s about to lose her best friend?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Ben seems to avoid Rey for the rest of the day, and each time she tries to go to his office to ask him what’s going on, he isn’t there. 

Her anxiety is spiking through the roof now, and she has barely been able to get any work done. Every time she opens up a tab on her computer, her mind just goes blank. A part of her mind tells her that she’s being irrational and probably overthinking things, but she can’t shake the feeling that he’s upset with her, and she wants so desperately to go and talk to him about it, but she hasn’t gotten the chance. 

She’s practically shaking with nervous energy by the last hour of her work day, so she takes a leap of faith and goes to his office, praying that by some miracle he’s actually in there this time. 

Obviously, someone or something is listening to her pleas, because as soon as she can glance into the large open windows of his office, she sees his large, brooding figure sitting at his desk and typing away at something. 

She enters his office, immediately catching his attention as he looks up at her. 

“Oh, Hi Rey. Did you need something?” 

His eyes are so warm. So warm and so filled with emotion. How will she ever let him go? What will she do when the time comes to let him be swept off his feet by someone else, someone who isn’t her?

“I wanted to talk to you. I don’t know if I’m overthinking things, but I need to ask you.” She takes a deep breath. “Are you...mad at me? Did I do something or say something wrong? I’m sorry about lying to you for so long about the birthday thing, but I don’t want to lose you because of it. I don’t think I could bear losing you, Ben. You’re the only person in my life who really understands me, and if I lost you it would be like losing a limb, and I just-”

“Rey, breathe. Slow down.” 

She inhales slowly through her nose, and out through her mouth. It’s a breathing technique her therapist recommended to her when they first started her sessions. It calms her nerves down a bit, but not much. 

Ben stands from his desk and walks around to stand in front of her and hold her hands in his. His presence is soothing. Even if she never gets to know what it’s like to be with him, somehow moments like these, moments where she can pretend, are enough. At least, that’s what she tells herself. 

His eyes are filled with concern and compassion, and as he looks down at her he begins to rub soothing circles into the backs of her hands. “I’m not mad at you, Rey. I’m a little disappointed that you lied to me for so long, but I could never be mad at you. I-” He clears his throat, as if he was choking up before, and presses her palms together with his hands encasing hers to make a sort of hand sandwich. “You won’t lose me, Rey. I promise.” 

She breathes a sigh of relief, but there’s still a tug of insecurity in the back of her mind. “Then why have you been so aloof today? We usually talk all the time during work, but today I’ve barely seen you at all. It felt like you were avoiding me.”

“Things have just been really busy today, and I’m sorry that it felt like I was avoiding you. I wasn’t. I just…” He takes a sharp inhale through his nose and expels the air all at once. “I will admit that I am upset, but it’s not at you. I’m upset at your parents and all of your foster parents, other than Maz of course. I’m angry that they ever made you feel unloved and contributed to this notion that you don’t deserve love. You deserve love, Rey. You deserve the most epic love story in history, and you deserve to be cared for and desired so deeply that the other person aches when you aren’t near. You deserve all of that Rey, and it makes me mad that everything you’ve been through has made you think you don’t.” 

He pulls her a little closer, and she can feel warmth emanating off of his hands and his chest. He’s so close that she could kiss him if he would let her, but the notion that he would want to kiss her is ridiculous, so she pushes it from her mind and focuses on his words instead. 

“You deserve a thousand birthdays. Perfect birthdays that make you feel special, because you are special, Rey. You’re special to me.”

There are tears welling in her eyes. Ben always knows what to say to make her feel better, and if she was naive she might read more into what he is saying, but she pretends for a moment that he wants her as much as she wants him. Even if it’s foolish. Even if it’ll make her hurt more later. 

Ben pulls her in for a hug and smoothes her hair down with one of his hands while the other provides a warm and inviting comfort against her lower back. They stay like this for a bit, and Rey relishes in this moment. 

Eventually he pulls away, and Rey misses the warmth of his body already, even if she has no right to. “I have an idea. I want to make your birthday special, something that you can remember and look back on fondly. Your birthday should be celebrated and you should  _ enjoy  _ celebrating it.” He looks her straight in the eye, and oh how she melts on the inside. “Pick five things that you’ve always wanted to do, tell me what they are, and I’ll plan a whole weekend for us. Just the two of us; we can celebrate together and make your birthday happy again.”

She’s sniffling and wiping away her tears now. No one has ever cared enough about her to do anything like this. There’s still a tinge of apprehension, like somehow all of this will blow up in her face and just make everything worse, but it is far outweighed by her overwhelming love for the man in front of her. He’s willing to spend his time just to make her feel special. 

“Okay...can I think about it and let you know on movie night this Friday?” 

“Of course, sweetheart.” 

The look he gives her, so full of warmth and pure goodness, fills her heart until it’s close to bursting. 

It’s no wonder she fell for him. She wonders if he’ll ever know, if she’ll ever get to tell him, how much she loves him. 

It cuts her to her core that the answer is probably no, but she’s going to spend every possible bit of time that she can with him now. She trusts that he can make her birthday better simply because it’s him and he makes everything better. 

She hopes it doesn’t backfire on her later. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

The week passes by Rey slower than she expected. Movie night is always something that she’s excited for, but this week has been especially rough, and she needs this time with Ben now. 

She hasn’t forgotten about his request of her. She’s thought about what she wants to do for her birthday. There were things that other children got to do all the time, things that she wishes she could have done too. She was always left on the sidelines. Left to sit and watch while all the other kids got to play and live carefree. 

Rey knows exactly what she’s going to ask him to do for her birthday. She hopes it isn’t too much, and if it is she’ll change it, but she spent hours working on figuring out exactly what she wanted to do with Ben, and she’s narrowed it down to five things. 

They’re sitting on her couch, watching “Howl’s Moving Castle”. Her head is in his lap, and he plays idly with her hair as they watch Sophie get turned into an old woman and hobble into the wastes. 

He breaks the peace during the part where Sophie makes her way into the castle.    
  


“So, have you thought about what you want to do next weekend?” 

He’s twirling a piece of her hair around his index finger, and for a moment it distracts her to the point where she forgets what he said. 

“Rey?” 

“Huh? Oh, um…” She grabs the remote to pause the movie and sits up, turning to face him. “Yeah, I have.” She rubs at her arm idly, nervous that he won’t be okay with what she has picked out. “If any of it is too much, just let me know and we can change it. I want to go to an amusement park. I never got to go as a kid, and I’ve always wanted to ride a ferris wheel and a carousel and eat popcorn and funnel cake and cotton candy and churros.” 

She blushes and he’s smiling warmly at her now. He knows that food is a sore spot for her, but he has never once made fun of her for it. 

“Um, well then I really want to go to an animal shelter. I’ve always meant to go, but I haven’t gotten the chance before. The aquarium too. There was a field trip to the aquarium once, but I couldn’t go because Plutt wouldn’t sign the form.” 

At the mention of Plutt’s name, Ben clenches his jaw slightly. He knows all the stories about how awful he was to her, and every time she mentions it he gets upset. 

“I’d love to go roller-blading too. In one of those old-fashioned roller rinks. And the last thing is I want to go horseback riding.” 

She looks over at him, full of nerves at the possibility that it will be too much, that  _ she’ll  _ be too much. She wouldn’t be surprised if she was too much for him. It’s the story of her life, being too much. Too much of a burden, too much of a hassle, just too much. 

It surprises her when Ben grins and begins to type it all into a note on his phone. “All sounds good to me. Don’t worry about anything, Rey, I’ll take care of it. I’ll let you know what the plan is soon.” 

It’s overwhelming how much she loves him, and there’s still doubt in her mind. She’s still scared that he’ll realize that there’s no point in doing all of this work for her, but she pushes those thoughts from her mind for now and just allows him to take care of her. 

They watch the rest of the movie in silence. Ben’s head ends up in Rey’s lap this time, and she’s content to pretend that he wants her as much as she wants him. 

He ends up spending the night, like he does on most nights. She sleeps in his arms because it’s safe in his arms, and he doesn’t mind. They chase away each other’s nightmares until the morning light breaks through her curtains and brings them back to the reality of a new day. 


	2. Escape From the City and Follow the Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **They’re about to step onto the rink when her right foot slips out from under her. She feels herself falling in slow motion, but before she can hit the ground, a strong pair of arms catches her and hoists her up to steady her.**
> 
> **Before she knows it, he’s carrying her in his arms, bridal-style, and a few people notice the odd situation unfolding. Rey is sure that her face is the color of a cherry-tomato at this point, but Ben doesn’t seem to care. He just stares at her face and continues to hold her to his chest.**
> 
> **It’s like something out of a goddamn romance novel, and Rey wonders if her life is even real anymore.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear they're going to bone, there's just more plot we gotta get through first. Rey is still fully convinced he doesn't love her back, and there are things that got to happen to change her mind. 
> 
> Enjoy this chapter!!

Rey usually knows what to expect from Ben. She knows his quirks. He drinks his coffee with peppermint creamer no matter what season it is. In the spring and summertime has to get it specially ordered because most companies only make it during the holidays. 

He likes things neat, especially his personal space. His bookshelf is organized alphabetically by the author’s last name, and he makes his bed every single morning, regardless of if he’s running late or not. 

He listens to jazz music on his way to work because it’s soothing, and it helps him calm the anxiety that he still feels about working at his family’s company. 

He writes poetry about all sorts of things, but he mostly likes to write about mundane things. He writes about hardwood floors and bumblebee stingers, coffee stirrers and book bindings, ink cartridges, and abandoned lemonade stands. Rey loves every piece he writes; they're all unique, but they also all sound exactly like him. He has a special gift for putting pen to paper, she especially likes the calligraphy he uses for the titles of his poems. She’ll never tell him, but she keeps a shoebox full of the poems he’s given her over the years. It’s a way for her to keep little pieces of him, even if she can’t have the whole thing. 

He loves baked sweet potatoes, but only allows himself to have them a few times a year. In his words, it’s to ‘avoid becoming addicted to them’. 

He finds joy in the simple things in life. While others may call them mundane, he calls them life’s tiny treasures. He once braided flowers into Rey’s hair when they were in high school and called it his greatest masterpiece. He enjoys a day of reading in bed far more than anything extravagant, it’s just his style. 

Rey thinks she can predict his every move at this point, so it surprises her when he shows up at her door at 6 am on Thursday morning with two cups of coffee in his hands. 

“Ben, what are you doing here?” Rey is embarrassed with herself. She’s disheveled: still in her pajamas with her hair unbrushed and apartment a mess. Ben doesn’t seem to care. He steps inside, shutting the door behind him, and makes himself comfortable anyways. 

“It’s the start of your birthday weekend!” He grins at her and sets one of the coffee cups in her hands. 

She sips at the coffee, hoping the caffeine will alleviate some of her confusion. “But, it’s Thursday…?” 

Ben chuckles and pulls her over to the counter. “I know, but I needed an extra day to make sure I could fit everything in. I pulled a few strings and got us today and tomorrow off.” 

She frowns. “You didn’t have to do all of that. I would’ve been fine just reducing the list down to a couple of things to make this easier.” 

He sets his coffee down on the counter and takes hers to set it down as well. He takes both of her hands in his and looks at her earnestly. “Rey, I wanted to do this for you. Just trust me and let me make your birthday something special.” 

Rey bites her lip in thought for a second, but after looking into his eyes again she concedes with a sigh. “Okay, you win. What’s the agenda for today?” 

Ben grins and lets go of her hands to pull his phone from his back pocket. “We’re going to an animal shelter today. I couldn’t get us in unless we volunteered for a couple of hours, but it’ll be mostly easy work and we get to spend time with the cats and dogs there while we do it.” 

She smiles and hums in agreement. “That sounds great. Let me go get changed so we can go.” 

She pads off to her room, all the while wondering how she got so lucky to have a friend like Ben. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Ben and Rey arrive at the animal shelter around 9:30. They stopped to get breakfast, because, despite her protests, Ben insisted that coffee isn’t real breakfast. 

Rey ate a whole stack of pancakes, and while she should be embarrassed over her voracious appetite, she knows that Ben gets it. He has never once made fun of her about food, so she feels comfortable eating to her heart’s desire in front of him. 

When they step into the “Naboo Animal Rescue Center, they are greeted by a bubbly and cheerful woman named Kaydel.

“Hi, you must be Ben and Rey. We’ve been excited about you two coming in! There’s a bit of paperwork involved, and then we’ll get you guys started.” 

As they fill out the paperwork, Rey can’t help but feel giddy. She’s always loved animals, but she’s never found a chance to visit an animal shelter before. 

Kaydel takes their paperwork and scans it in once it’s all filled out and then leads them to the back of the shelter. When they enter the backroom, Rey is met with the sight of multiple rows of dogs and cats in large cages. 

“This is where all of our rescues sleep. We have about 30 dogs and 40 cats here, and we’re almost at capacity.” Kaydel points to the far side of the room. “There’s a couple of fenced off areas through the doors at the back of the room where they can go to run around and play in during the day, but we keep the cats and dogs separate. Some of the animals don’t get along with each other, and all of that information is marked on the clipboards in front of their cages.”

She smiles at them and hands them each an access swipe. “Today you guys will be playing with the animals. We usually don’t have first-timers clean cages or take care of feeding time, but feel free to give them treats from the boxes along the walls outside. These swipes give you access to every part of the building, including the cages. The cats have their own space marked out outside but the dogs are pretty much free to roam anywhere that isn’t in the cat’s territory. You’ll see what I mean when you get out there. Any questions?” 

Both Rey and Ben shake their heads, and Kaydel gives them a thumbs-up. “Good luck! There are other full-time employees and volunteers around to help if you need it.” 

Kaydel leaves to go back to the front desk, leaving Rey and Ben to their own devices. 

Ben looks at Rey and smiles. “Alright, where should we start?” 

Rey hums in thought. “Dogs first? We can always split up and take different animals out.” 

He purses his lips slightly. “Nah, that’s okay. I would rather stay with you, if you’re okay with that.” 

It’s irrational, how much a simple comment like that makes her heart start to beat just the tiniest bit faster. 

“Okay.” She breathes. 

They make their way to find a few dogs to bring outside with them, and Rey can’t help but think about how soft Ben is. His eyes, his smile, his words. The way he looks is off-putting to some people, but to her, it just makes him that much more endearing. She knows the secrets beneath the layers of Ben Solo. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Rey is playing with a group of kittens when Ben comes over to sit with her an hour later. One of them has managed to crawl into her lap while another has become fascinated with trying to capture her hand in its paws. Ben becomes a new plaything for them as soon as he sits beside her. One of the kittens begins a slow climb up his leg with its end goal seemingly being Ben’s head. 

She giggles as it starts clawing its way up his shirt and picks the kitten off of him, setting it on the ground beside him. 

“This one is definitely a troublemaker. They might have to keep an eye on him.” Rey strokes the kitten’s back with the knuckle of her pointer finger and sighs. “I’ve always wanted a cat, but I’ve never had the chance to get one.” The little orange and white kitten begins nuzzling itself against her leg and purring softly. 

Ben smiles. “It looks like this one likes you. Maybe you should adopt it.” 

She sighs sadly and continues to stroke the little one’s back. “I would, but I don’t think I have time for a kitten right now.” 

He hums in thought and picks up one of the other kittens, a black one with a white streak on one side of its face, holding it up at eye level. “That’s too bad. These guys are really cute.”

The image of Ben with such a small animal in his overly large hands, cooing at it and smiling, does things to her insides. She imagines those same hands cradling her, making her feel small and cherished. 

She shakes those thoughts off and stands, gathering the kittens up in her arms as she goes. “Help me put these little ones back?” 

He nods and follows her, picking up the last few kittens to bring them back to their beds. 

As they walk out, passing by the front desk, Ben turns to Rey. “Give me a second, Rey. Go ahead and wait outside for me, I’ll catch up with you in a minute.”

Rey nods and begins to walk out, glancing behind her briefly on the way out to see Ben talking to Kaydel. He’s leaning over the counter, and for a second Rey thinks he’s flirting with her, but she can’t hear their conversation. 

It hurts to look. It cuts her to her core, and Rey feels like crying. She turns away and walks out of the building briskly, trying to tune out the pounding in her ears from her heart running a mile a minute. She thinks it’s a little ridiculous that she’s acting like this. It’s not like she has any kind of claim over Ben. He is his own person, and she’s known that the day would come when he finds someone else. Someone who can give him what she can’t. 

She feels like her heart is being ripped out of her chest, but before she starts crying, Ben steps out of the building and walks over to her. 

He notices immediately that she’s upset. “Are you okay?” 

She nods quickly and schools an expression of contentedness. “Just a little sad that I can’t take all of those kittens home.” 

Ben gives her a look, like he knows there’s something else, but thankfully he drops it. 

“Are you ready to go to the next stop?” 

She gives him a half-hearted grin and nods her head. 

She’ll ignore the stabbing feeling in her chest and the pit in her stomach. She’ll enjoy this time with him while she can. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

They eat lunch at her favorite diner on Main Street, and Ben pays for her food. She protests because she’s fully capable of taking care of herself and really doesn’t need him to cater to her, but he insists because it’s her birthday weekend. 

It’s such an odd concept to her, celebrating a birthday  _ weekend  _ when she hasn’t even celebrated a birth- _ day  _ before now. 

Ben takes her to an aquarium downtown. It’s possibly one of the biggest buildings she’s ever seen, and it’s located right next to the bay. It’s asymmetrical and modern looking, with a large glass pyramid jutting out of one side and colorful murals of fish painted on the walls outside. 

She’s overwhelmed at first when they walk inside. There are so many exhibits, and she isn’t sure where to start. Ben leads her to a tank full of tropical fish, and her eyes widen in wonder. She’s never seen so many different kinds of fish before in her life. 

Rey presses her face up against the glass like a five-year-old and turns back to Ben, pointing to a clownfish inside. “It’s like Nemo!”

He smiles at her, but it isn’t condescending in the slightest despite the childlike response she’s giving. “There’s Dory too.” 

She grins and looks back to the tank, taking in the colors and shapes of this beautiful little world on the inside of this tank. 

Eventually, she tears herself away from the first tank and lets Ben lead her to other exhibits. There’s a large open pool of sharks, stingrays, and various other fish in the middle of the building. There is a whole exhibit of tanks filled with tropical fish, similar to the one at the beginning, but now she’s surrounded by them. There are penguins in another exhibit, and Rey spends at least ten minutes watching them waddle around and flop into the water. 

Her favorite exhibit of the day, however, is the hands-on learning tank on the third floor. There are stingrays, moon jellyfish and horseshoe crabs swimming along the bottom of a shallow pool elevated off the ground at the perfect height for people to feel the creatures inside. It’s by far the busiest exhibit of the day, but the wait in line is worth it. Rey reaches her hand in at the instruction of the aquarium employee. She brushes her fingers along the top of a stingray. It’s slimy and cold, and Rey shivers slightly. Ben watches her as she pets the other animals in the pool. She’s apprehensive about touching a jellyfish, but when the attendant assures her it’s safe, she eagerly reaches for one and is delighted in the odd jelly texture she finds under her fingers. 

When Ben and Rey eventually leave the aquarium, Rey is beaming inside and out. Ben grins down at her as they walk to his car. “Did you enjoy yourself?” 

She nods enthusiastically. “That was incredible! I’ve never seen so many fish in my life!” 

He chuckles lightly and opens the car door for her. “I’m glad you had fun.” 

She wants to tell him that she always has fun when they’re together. There’s never a dull moment with him. Even the times when they do nothing, she has fun because he’s there. She imagines life would be extremely monotonous without Ben in it.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

The final destination for the day is a rollerblading rink that is just a few blocks from Ben’s apartment. Rey facepalms herself internally for not realizing that there was an old-fashioned style skating rink so close to her. She could have done this a lot sooner, but she hadn’t had the foresight to look it up for herself. 

They slide on their rental skates and begin to shuffle their way to the main rink. Loud pop music plays over the speakers and a disco ball hangs in the center of the room. There are colorful lights illuminating the track and the faces of the other patrons, but Rey is too focused on not falling over to notice. 

They’re about to step onto the rink when her right foot slips out from under her. She feels herself falling in slow motion, but before she can hit the ground, a strong pair of arms catches her and hoists her up to steady her. 

Before she knows it, he’s carrying her in his arms, bridal-style, and a few people notice the odd situation unfolding. Rey is sure that her face is the color of a cherry-tomato at this point, but Ben doesn’t seem to care. He just stares at her face and continues to hold her to his chest. 

It’s like something out of a goddamn romance novel, and Rey wonders if her life is even real anymore. 

For a moment, she’s content to stay like this. He’s all firm, warm muscle, and she luxuriates in the feeling of being cared for, even if just for a moment. Once she sees people staring and pointing, she clears her throat, catching his attention. He puts her back down on the ground gently and offers his hand. “I’ll help you balance since you haven’t done this before.”

She gratefully takes his hand, and they slowly make their way onto the rink. She grips onto him with one hand and grips onto the side rail with the other, still extremely unsteady on her feet. It’s a miracle she manages to not fall, but that most likely has to do with the way he’s holding her. 

Eventually, she manages to let go of the side railing, but she is still holding on tightly to Ben. 

They fall into an easy pattern. She still stumbles occasionally, but every time it feels like she’s about to fall, Ben is right there to keep her steady. 

As soon as Rey begins to find her bearings, the music playing over the loudspeakers changes to something soft, and an announcer’s voice plays out to the crowd. 

“Alright, everyone! Grab that special someone because it’s time for a couple’s skate!”

Rey is slightly disappointed. She was just starting to get the hang of it, and now she would have to leave the rink. When she looks over at Ben, however, he is looking at her, the hint of a smile playing at the corners of his lips. “We should keep skating. You know, to get our money’s worth.” 

She flushes slightly and nods up at him dumbly. “O-okay.” 

He grips onto her hand tighter, and they skate closer to the center of the rink, joining the other couples. 

As they skate around the rink in tight circles, Rey can’t keep her thoughts from racing away from her. She knows Ben doesn’t feel the same way about her that she does for him, but she can’t help but feel loved at this moment. With his hand pressed into hers and his body so close, she pretends it all means something. 

When the music finally ends and the spell breaks, Ben is still holding onto her hand just as tightly. For a split second, she thinks it might  _ actually  _ mean something, but she quickly brushes that thought aside. 

“Ready to go? We can pick up some food from that Italian place down the street and take it back to my place.” 

She smiles up at him and nods. They make their way out of the rink, get their food, and spend the rest of the night in Ben’s apartment laughing and reminiscing about their day. 

Rey loves Ben so much, and she’s content to just be friends if it means she gets to keep him. She says that to herself when she falls asleep in his arms that night, and she tells herself that when she wakes up in his arms the next morning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow Me on Twitter! [twitter](https://twitter.com/sweetsomethin_)
> 
> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> I love and appreciate every comment and kudo <3


	3. I Know, Yes, I Know We'll Be Alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **She glances up briefly, and finds that he’s gazing at her...softly.**
> 
> **“I need to tell you something.” He’s close. He’s too close. She thinks she’s going to internally combust.**
> 
> **He bites the swell of his bottom lip softly. Oh, what she wouldn’t do to kiss him right now.**
> 
> **“I know it’s your birthday, but now that we’ve done everything on your list, there’s something that I want to do too.”**
> 
> **She’s a little breathless. He just has that effect on her. “What?”**
> 
> **“Close your eyes.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The smut train has arrived!!!
> 
> Happy birthday, Lynn. I hope this is everything you wanted and more, and I hope your birthday was amazing. I love you so much!!! 
> 
> I may add an epilogue to this, but for now consider it complete. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Ben drives her back to her apartment that morning and instructs her to pack. He gives her very few details beyond that, so Rey takes her best guess and packs the necessities first. He told her to make sure she had long pants and a bathing suit, so Rey didn’t really know what to think about where he was taking her. 

She packs a small backpack, double checking to make sure she has everything she needs, and heads down to meet Ben, who is waiting in front of her building in his car. As soon as he sees her, he starts the car and she hops in. 

They start driving down roads she doesn’t recognize, and Rey’s curiosity can’t allow her to stay silent. 

“Ben, where are we going?” 

He grins, the knowledge that he has a secret that she doesn’t know amuses him, apparently. 

“It’s a surprise. You’ll figure it out once we get there.” 

She pouts a little and her brows knit in confusion, but she doesn’t ask again because Ben’s stubborn and won’t tell her no matter how much she asks. 

They drive down back roads for a while, until eventually they enter the beltway. Ben turns on a playlist that Rey made for him a few years ago, and the sounds of Cavetown and Wallows lull her to sleep. 

When she wakes later, she’s met with the sight of the ocean. Crystalline blue waters sparking in the sunlight against white sandy shoreline. She gasps softly, because this isn’t what she was expecting at all. 

She wonders how this factors into his birthday checklist for her. Ben knows she loves the beach, but she can’t go very often because of work. 

“Why are we here, Ben?” She asks breathlessly. 

He smiles and pulls a brochure from his back pocket. 

“We’re here for the last two things on your birthday wishlist. Today is horseback riding and tomorrow is the amusement park. This beach has both within a 20 mile radius.” 

They’re staying at a hotel right on the beach, and after they check in, Rey realizes that Ben only has one keycard. As they ride up the elevator, Rey’s nerves spike. They’re staying in the same room. 

She isn’t sure why this makes her so nervous. They’ve slept in the same bed for years, but somehow the fact that this isn’t a space that belongs to one of them, that it’s a shared space for the night, it makes her thoughts run away from her. 

The idea that they’re going to share a space that is brand new and unfamiliar more than a little nerve wracking, but Rey wills her heart to calm its incessant beating before they arrive to their room. 

The elevator dings, signaling their arrival on the fourteenth floor. Ben leads her down a hallway to room 1417, and when he unlocks the door, she’s met with the sight of a large, luxurious king size bed adorned with plush blankets and pillows. 

It’s a little overwhelming. She’s never stayed in a place this nice before.

She doesn’t have time to dwell on what it all means, however, because Ben is dropping his bag down on the floor and pulling out his phone to check his calendar. “We should get changed. Our horseback riding appointment is in a couple hours and we still need to go get food before.”

Rey nods absentmindedly, still a little dazed from the whirlwind that has been her day so far. 

It’s a miracle she hasn’t internally combusted yet. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

What Ben doesn’t tell her is that they are riding horses on the beach. 

They walk into the check-in building and get their paperwork and rented riding gear. An attendant named Jannah brings them around the back of the building to the horse stables and assigns them each to a horse. Rey’s horse is light tan and has a silky soft coat, and Ben’s is dark brown, so dark that it almost appears black. 

Jannah helps them mount their horses and leads them to the beach. They begin to walk along the waterside, and Rey can’t help but look out at the water beside them. The sun is high in the sky, and the sunlight dances across the water. It’s beautiful. 

She turns to Ben to tell him so, but she finds that he’s already looking at her. Their eyes meet for a brief moment before he smiles softly and turns his attention back to the beach in front of him. 

They ride for a while, taking in the scenery in silence. Jannah points out a few different landmarks along the way, including a sand sculpture of a mermaid and a sea monster that she says has been there for at least 40 years. 

The path they take feels surprisingly isolated, despite being on an open, public beach. They don’t pass many people as they ride along

At some point, Jannah’s horse begins to trot, and they follow behind her. It’s exhilarating, the feeling of riding faster along the beach. Sands kicks up beneath the horses’ hooves, and eventually, Jannah leads them closer to the water. Rey can feel a little water splash up onto her back, but she’s so focused on the view around and ahead of her that she doesn’t care. 

Jannah ends up being at least ten feet ahead of them by the time the horses slow back down to a walk. Rey and Ben are riding side by side, and in another life Rey would call it romantic, but that isn’t her life, so she pushes those thoughts from her mind. The sunlit ocean serves as a backdrop to their gallivanting across the beach. It’s quite possibly the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen. 

They don’t say a word, but they don’t have to. They understand each other well enough at this point to know what the other is thinking. He looks over at her once with a gaze that tells her all she needs to know. This has made him just as happy as it’s made her. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

They get back to the hotel in the late afternoon and spend the rest of their day on the beach. Ben packs a picnic for them, and they eat dinner by the ocean as the sun sets on the horizon. 

Rey tears up as she watches the vibrant reds, oranges and yellows dance across the sky and fade into deep blues as the moon rises into the sky. 

She tears up again as they lay in bed. His arm is around her, pulling her into his chest, and he snores softly beside her. Her heart swells with so much love for him as she watches his chest rise and fall slowly. He did all of this for her. She’s never had anyone care for her this much in her entire life, and it’s so overwhelming that it’s painful. 

Her fingers brush across his cheek gently as she studies his face with the intention of memorizing every angle, curve and freckle. If tomorrow he chooses to run away with someone else and start a life with them, without her in it, then she can will herself to be content, she thinks. It’ll probably ruin her for the rest of her life, but he’s made her so happy in the past few days that she thinks she could manage. She can live off of these memories for a lifetime if she had to. Just in case this is the last time she gets to look at him, Rey traces the swell of his lips in order to memorize the shape of them against her fingers. She wants to ensure that she makes it count. 

She leans in slightly and presses a kiss against the tip of his nose. He doesn’t stir, which she takes as a sign that it’s safe to do what she does next. 

Rey takes a deep breath and whispers, “I love you, Ben. I’m in love with you. I have been for a long time, and I’m sorry that I can’t admit that to you.” Tears begin to swell further in the corners of her eyes, and her vision blurs slightly. “In another life, maybe we could be together. Maybe we could be happy. But I don’t want to drag you down or be a burden to you, and I don’t want to lose your friendship. I’m going to hold onto every single piece of you that I can, and when you leave eventually, I promise I’ll let you go.” A single tear streams down across her face and drips onto her pillow. “I will never stop loving you. I don’t think I can. If that makes me selfish, then so be it.” 

She wipes her tears away, careful to not brush against him and wake him. The feeling of his strong, warm arms wrapped around her in combination with the gentle sound of his snoring eventually soothes her into a deep sleep. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When she wakes the next morning, Ben is already awake, and he’s staring at her with an intensity in his gaze. She almost squeaks in surprise, but she stops herself because of how embarrassing that would be. He looks like he has a secret, like he knows something that she doesn’t, but he doesn’t say anything. She gasps softly as his gaze lingers on her lips. 

It can’t be, she must’ve imagined it. There’s no possibility of that ever happening. 

“Ben?” 

He looks up into her eyes, and she melts a little. The warmth in his whiskey-brown eyes makes her insides turn to jelly, and she’s sure he can hear the way her heart is beating out of her chest. 

Ben grins at her and releases her from his arms, sitting up as he goes. “Ready for the last thing on your birthday checklist?” 

She’s still a little shaken by everything, but she nods slowly and gets out of bed, moving to go and get ready for the day ahead of her. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

They get to the amusement park around noon, and while it’s smaller than a park like Six Flags, Rey doesn’t really know any better, so she’s beaming nonetheless. Ben buys the tickets and wristbands that give them access to the whole park and turns to her. 

“What do you want to ride first?” He smiles at her, a smile that’s so beautiful it makes her heart ache. 

“Can we start on the carousel?” 

His smile widens and he takes her hand, pulling her in the right direction. 

As she mounts her plastic horse, she feels a little foolish. The only other people on the carousel are kids, and the oldest one can’t be older than 10. Ben takes a seat on the horse next to hers, and as ridiculous as she feels, she knows it pales in comparison to what Ben must be feeling. He’s far too large for the small horse he’s sitting on. His feet touch the floor, and Rey wonders silently if he’ll be able to ride without it breaking. 

His hands dwarf the pole that attaches the horse to the roof of the carousel. It makes her think of all the other things his hands can do. She imagines his hands wrapping around her waist, covering her torso in warmth. 

She snaps out of it when the ride starts to move, sending them around in slow circles while brassy music plays from the speakers above them. 

It’s not what she expected, but her only knowledge of carousels stemmed from movies and tv shows before this. She feels a little giddy, despite the simplicity of the ride, and no matter how childish it may seem, she’s never been happier. 

They ride a roller coaster next. Ben says it’s small compared to other coasters, but Rey has no point of comparison, so she screams in glee during the ride anyways. 

Ben and Rey get to almost every ride in the park, and after she’s had her fill of rides, he buys her popcorn, lemonade and a funnel cake that they share on a bench near the tunnel of love. 

She eats about 90 percent of the popcorn and more than half of the funnel cake, but Ben doesn’t seem to mind and starts encouraging her to eat as much as she wants. When they finish, he buys her cotton candy and boardwalk style french fries. Rey definitely doesn’t protest more food, so shares it all with him gratefully. 

They chat about some drama that Poe, one of their coworkers, had texted Ben about earlier that day, but for the most part they just sit together, enjoying each other’s company. 

It’s almost 4 o’clock by the time they start to get ready to leave, but before they go, they stop to ride the ferris wheel. 

For some reason, this is what makes Rey’s nerves spike the most. Maybe it’s the proximity to him, because once they’re inside the basket of the ferris wheel, there’s nowhere to go. 

They get locked into their basket and start to go up slowly. Rey presses herself closer to the edge of the basket and watches as the world passes by. The neon lights and sounds of laughter fill the air below her, and she doesn’t realize it when they stop at the top until Ben nudges her gently. 

“How’s the view?” He asks her softly. 

She smiles at him brightly. “It’s amazing. It’s better than all of the movies said.” She looks back out to the horizon and taps his shoulder to show him. “You can see the ocean from up here!” 

It’s a little surreal, and by the time they reach the ground again, she’s a little speechless. 

They walk out to the car in silence, blissed out on serotonin from the past few days. 

They drive home in silence too. The car is packed already, and they listen to Fleetwood Mac and Wallows as Ben drives down the long highways as the sun sets behind them. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

It’s almost 10 in the evening by the time they get back to his apartment, and Rey is too tired to uber back to her place, so he offers to let her stay the night. 

She’s so exhausted when she walks into his apartment that she almost doesn’t notice the small furry creature curled up on a bed near the kitchen table. She does notice, however, and she stands near the doorway, staring down at the little furball in confusion. 

Ben walks in and shuts the door behind him, setting his bag down and walking over to her. “Hey, I have some extra sweatshirts in my top drawer if you want to-“ 

He trails off when he notices that she’s seen the cat. 

“Ben? Did you get a cat? How did I not notice?” 

“It’s not mine. It’s uh-she’s a present. For you.” 

She can feel more tears welling up in her eyes. How many times has she cried in the past three days? 

“You bought me a cat.” 

It’s the kitten from the shelter. The orange and white one that she got a little too attached to. 

“I hope that’s okay! I know you said you wouldn’t have time, but I figured we could co-parent her. I got one of her brother’s too, the black one, but he’s staying at Poe’s right now. I hope you aren’t mad…” 

She can hear the nervousness in his voice, and as if by instinct she turns to soothe him, placing her hands on his shoulders and rubbing small circles with her thumbs. “No, no...I’m not mad at all. I’m a little overwhelmed, but it’s a good kind of overwhelmed. I’ve never felt so...cared for. Not since Maz.”

He smiles and wipes away the tears that she didn’t realize were streaming down her cheeks. After a moment, she breaks away to go say hi to her new friend. She crouches down slowly, and the small bundle of fur stirs awake and looks up at her. 

“Hi there, I’m Rey. I’m gonna be your new mom. The big one over there is Ben. He looks tough but he’s really a softie.”

She strokes the kitten’s back slowly, and Ben sits on the floor beside her, watching her bond with her new kitten. 

“How did you get her in here?” 

“Kaydel dropped her off before we got home. I called in a little favor at the shelter.” 

Rey frowns slightly at the mention of Kaydel, but tries not to show the disappointment on her face or in the tone of her voice. “Oh, that was nice of her.” Her eyes lock onto the kitten, who is now purring and pressing into her palm. 

“Rey…” 

She doesn’t look up at him. She’s scared that if she does he’ll see right through her and figure everything out, and then it’ll be all over for her. She won’t survive it. 

“Rey, look at me.” 

She glances up briefly, and finds that he’s gazing at her...softly. 

“I need to tell you something.” He’s close. He’s too close. She thinks she’s going to internally combust. 

He bites the swell of his bottom lip softly. Oh, what she wouldn’t do to kiss him right now. 

“I know it’s your birthday, but now that we’ve done everything on your list, there’s something that I want to do too.”

She’s a little breathless. He just has that effect on her. “What?” 

“Close your eyes.” 

She hesitates, but complies and shuts her eyes slowly, and for a few seconds nothing happens. 

Then, all of a sudden, she feels something soft and plush press against her lips and she’s stunned. She opens her eyes when he pulls his lips away to find Ben closer to her than he’s ever been before. His eyes are locked onto hers, and neither of them move for what feels like an eternity. 

He takes her hesitation the wrong way and begins to pull back, and suddenly something snaps in her and she surges forward, pressing her lips against his again. 

He returns her kiss with fervor and moves to wrap his arm around her waist while his other hand reaches up to hold the side of her face and neck. 

She feels every ounce of want and need in this kiss. Every second of pining after this man is poured out into the place where their lips touch.

She tangles her fingers in his hair, like she’s been wanting to do since they were teenagers. He pulls her into his lap, and she immediately wraps her legs around his waist. 

He slips his tongue into her mouth and explores languidly. Everything else melts away, and she feels like she’s floating. It isn’t until he pulls away that she realizes that she’s off the ground. He’s standing now and holding her up with his hand on her ass and the other against her lower back. 

She’s a little dazed, and she stares into his eyes, so many questions running through her head. 

“What’s happening right now?” 

He smiles and presses a chaste kiss to her lips. “I love you, Rey. I have for a long time. I thought you wouldn’t feel the same way, but I heard you last night. I was awake, but I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want to scare you away.”

He leans his forehead against hers and takes a deep breath. When he breathes out, she can feel it against her lips. “I love you so much, and I needed to tell you. I want to be with you, now and always, Rey.” 

Her head is swirling with emotion. She feels like a weight has been lifted off of her chest, but it’s still overwhelming, how much she loves him. “Ben, I love you too.” 

His smile is blinding when he presses his lips back against hers. She moans into the kiss when he squeezes her ass lightly, and before she can get her thoughts together, he presses her into the wall and licks at her lips greedily. 

She gasps softly into his mouth when she feels him against her center, hard and thick. She grinds her hips into him experimentally and he moans. 

“Ben, yes. Please, I want you.” She whispers breathlessly into his ear. 

A soft rumbling bubbles up from his chest, and he starts to pepper kisses down her neck. She whines as his fingers explore the globes of her ass, and he starts to suck marks into her neck and down to her collarbone. 

He grumbles against her skin. “Rey, you’re so fucking hot. Fuck, I want to…” 

“Me too, Ben. Please, take me to your room.” 

“No time.” He pulls away from the wall, keeping her supported with his hands under her, and throws her down onto the couch. 

He looks down at her with fire and hunger in his eyes and licks his lips slowly. “Take off your clothes, sweetheart. I need to see you.” 

She reaches for the bottom of her t-shirt with shaky hands, pulls it up over her head, and pulls her shorts down her hips, tossing both articles onto the floor. 

Ben leans down over her, bringing his legs up on either side of hers, and begins to trail kisses down the center of her chest until he gets to her bellybutton. “The bra too, Rey. Please, I need to see you.” There’s a desperation to his voice that Rey feels too. She sits up slowly and reaches back to unclip her bra, leaving her chest bare to him. 

He looks a little stunned, and for a second he just stares at her breasts. At first Rey thinks he’s disappointed, but suddenly he leans down to suck on her left nipple, rolling the right one between his fingers. 

He breathes against her nipple, now slick with his attention, causing her to shiver. “You’re so perfect, sweetheart. I always knew you would be, but this is better than I could have imagined.” 

She blushes, not used to the rapt attention or praise, but her thoughts drift away once he starts to kiss down her belly. His lips linger at the waistband of her panties, and he traces a finger along them languidly. 

“Can I take these off, Rey? Can I see you sweetheart?” 

She nods eagerly, and he slides her underwear down her hips. His fingers begin to trace the outer seam of her slit slowly, like he’s treasuring this moment. She whines after a bit, growing impatient and wet with arousal. 

“Please, Ben. Please stop teasing, I need-” 

That’s all the encouragement he needs apparently, because in an instant, his tongue is licking a stripe up her center. He continues a pattern of licking, as if he is only trying to taste her. Rey would appreciate how sweet that idea is, but she is far too needy right now, so she bucks her hips up, trying to spur him on. 

He wraps an arm around her hip to hold her down. “Be patient, Rey..” He slides a single finger into her slowly and presses light kisses to the bundle of nerves at the apex of her thighs. 

She is writhing and moaning under him, and eventually he begins to massage her inner walls as his tongue traces light patterns over her clit. 

She lets out a sharp gasp followed by a moan when he sucks at her clit. It’s so sudden, and he sucks so hard that she’s pretty sure she’s going to black out any second now. 

He presses another finger into her, and the stretch burns a little. It’s not her first time, but it’s been a while, and two fingers are a tight fit. 

Ben moans against her clit, and the vibrations send her reeling. “You’re so fucking tight, Rey. Fuck, I hope I can fit in this tight little pussy.” 

His fingers start to thrust in and out of her, and he sucks at her clit in earnest. She can feel her inner walls start to spasm around the two fingers pressed deep inside her cunt. 

“Are you gonna come for me, sweetheart?”

She nods and almost lets out a scream when he thrusts his fingers into her a little harder. 

“Come, Rey. I need to see you come.” 

No one has ever commanded an orgasm out of her before, but she’s finding a lot of surprising things about Ben. She begins to shake against the arm that is still restraining her hips, and she squirts all over his face as her orgasm overtakes her. 

They’re both breathing heavily as he trails kisses back up to her lips, and when they kiss, she can taste herself on his tongue. It turns her on beyond belief. 

He’s looking at her with wonder in his eyes when he pulls back, like he can’t quite believe that this is real. She feels the exact same way. 

“I’ve never made anyone squirt like that before.” He breathes. 

She flushes with embarrassment. “I didn’t know I could do that…” 

He grins and leaves another quick kiss on her lips. “You’re incredible, Rey. That was the hottest thing I’ve ever experienced.” 

She smiles and pulls him down for a longer kiss. She slips her tongue into his mouth, and she can still taste herself there. Her head is spinning in disbelief and wonder. Less than twenty-four hours ago, she thought he would never love her back. Now, they’re making out on his couch, and he just made her squirt. 

He breaks away from the kiss after a while and pulls his t-shirt over his head. She’s seen him shirtless plenty of times before, but this time it’s different. Now she can touch his chest and trace her fingers down his abs, and she does so without pretense. 

His abs clench slightly when her fingers brush against the band of his khaki shorts.

“Rey, please tell me you’re sure you want this. We can wait, I’ll be okay if you want to wait, but if you take me out of these shorts, I may not be able to stop myself.” 

She bites her lip and locks eyes with him, beginning to pop open the button of his pants and sliding the zipper down slowly. “I want you, Ben. I’ve wanted you so much and for so long. I can’t wait any more. Please…” 

His chest heaves, and he eagerly pulls his pants down and tosses them onto the floor behind him. He leans down to kiss her again, seeming to be okay with taking his time with her, but Rey has never been good at patience, so she slips a hand into his boxer-briefs and begins to palm his hard length. 

He groans. “Sweetheart, I’m not gonna last if you tease me like that.” 

She takes it as permission to pulls his briefs down and pull his cock out. He kicks them off behind him. When she looks down, she’s a little shocked. 

He’s big. So big she wonders how he’s going to fit inside of her. 

She doesn’t have much time to think on it, because he’s kissing her again. It’s a sweet kiss, but there’s still traces of that same hunger that they’ve both been feeling for a while. 

“Rey, I don’t have a condom.” 

She traces his cheek with her index finger and bites her lip. “It’s okay, I want to feel you. I want to feel  _ everything. _ ” 

He groans and mumbles something unintelligible, but she makes out the word “perfect.” 

Maybe it’s strange that he already knows she’s on birth control, but they’ve known each other for so long that she feels no shame in him knowing it, and in this moment it proves useful. 

She kisses him again, because she can, and she looks up at him. The passion she feels is mirrored in his gaze. “Can I be on top?”

“Fuck yes.” He flips them over, but they quickly realize that he can’t quite fit on his couch laying down like that, so they maneuver slightly so that he’s sitting with her in her lap. His erection bobs heavily between her thighs, and she reaches down to stroke it lightly. A bead of precum gathers at the tip, which she collects on her fingers to slide over his length. 

He groans against her neck. “How in the world did I get so lucky to have you in my life. You’re so fucking perfect, Rey.” 

She smiles. “I’m lucky too, you know. You saved me, Ben. You have no idea how much you mean to me.” 

He kisses her again, and as his tongue slips past her lips, she guides him to her entrance and starts to slide down onto him. 

Ben is definitely too big. She feels the walls of her cunt burn as she stretches around him, but she’s wet enough and she goes slow enough that it doesn’t hurt. It’s the burn of muscles that haven’t been used in years now working on overdrive to accommodate what is essentially a tree trunk of a cock. 

He hisses through his teeth when she bottoms out eventually, and it turns into a moan when she rolls her hips experimentally. 

“Fucking hell, Rey. Your cunt is so tight, I might come just from this.” 

She smiles and peppers kisses against his neck. The burn subsides, and she begins to roll her hips with more purpose, sliding along his length languidly. 

He moans and reaches his hands down to grasp her hips as she begins to slide up and down his length a little harder. 

Ben eventually can’t contain himself and he begins to thrust up to meet her hips. Every slide of his delicious length inside of her cunt makes her wetter, and she can hear the slap of his skin against hers and the wet slick of her cunt as he splits her open on his cock. 

She’s ascended past reality at this point. It’s a miracle she hasn’t passed out yet, because every time he bottoms out she feels one step closer to falling apart. 

The hands at her hips squeeze her so tightly, she’s sure there will be bruises there tomorrow, but she can’t find it in herself to care. She sort of loves that there will be marks from his teeth and hands tomorrow, because they’ll be reminders that this is all real. That she’s his now and he’s hers. 

He begins to slide her against his length harder, using his grip on her hips for support. 

He’s breathless and panting when he whispers against her ear. “Rey, baby, please come for me. I need to feel you come.” 

“I’m gonna come, Ben. Pleasepleaseplease don’t stop ohmygod…” 

She babbles unintelligible words into his neck when she feels her orgasm start to bubble out of her. Her cunt contracts around him in waves, attempting to milk him for all he has, and she thinks she feels fireworks go against the insides of her mind. It’s an all over sort of bliss, and after a few more shaky thrusts up into her, Ben is coming too. She can feel the warmth of his spend filling her and spilling out over the walls of her cunt like a soothing balm. 

They sit like this for a moment, neither one of them wanting to break the peace that has settled over their sated bodies. 

Ben breaks the silence first and looks at her with love and admiration filling his gaze. She isn’t sure how she didn’t see it before, the love he has for her, but she mentally chastises herself for being so scared of rejection before. 

“I love you, Rey.” 

She smiles and kisses his cheek. “I love you too.” 

He slips out of her, both of them wincing at the loss, and he rubs her sides lightly with his hands. 

She breathes softly. “What now?” 

He brings one hand up to brush his fingers against her cheek. “Now we have forever. We can do what we were doing before, but now we can do it all together. We can stop wondering if our feelings are mutual because we know they are. We can kiss and cuddle without feeling weird about it, and we can just learn to be together as more than what we were before.”

She kisses him softly. Her mind is still reeling with the events of the past hour or so, but she isn’t scared anymore. She has no reason to be; Ben loves her too. 

She gets up to check on the kitten, who is now asleep in bed, oblivious to what has just transpired in the room. 

Ben takes her back to his room, and they don’t sleep much at all that night. They spend the rest of their night making love until they’re both too exhausted to move, and between each tryst, they talk and laugh about the smallest things. 

They fall asleep eventually, and when the morning sun breaks through his curtains and Rey wakes up in his arms again, she no longer has to worry about holding onto little pieces of him. Now, she has the whole thing, and she doesn’t plan on ever letting him go. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It got soft, I can't help myself. 
> 
> Follow me on twitter! [twitter](https://twitter.com/sweetsomethin_)
> 
> I love and appreciate every comment and kudo!

**Author's Note:**

> Follow Me on Twitter! [twitter](https://twitter.com/sweetsomethin_)
> 
> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> I love and appreciate every comment and kudo <3


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